Truth In Satire

Facebook Unfriends Donald Trump For Stealing Private Data On Millions Of Users

Social media company says president can no longer post photos of First Family picnics or video of White House goodbye parties

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President Trump has been unfriended from FB for behavior that violates the company’s stolen data policies. (Credit: Salon.com)

ew evidence points to a massive data breach by the presidential campaign of Donald Trump giving it access to private information on 50 million Facebook users. The stolen data was then used to sway voters in the 2016 election.

Outraged, the social media company struck back at Mr. Trump in the most consequential of ways on Saturday, unfriending him and preventing the president from using Facebook to post photos of his meals or to disseminate racist propaganda.

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A screen grab from Donald Trump’s Facebook page. (Credit: newmediacentral.com)

“The president cannot authorize a Facebook data breach, steal information on millions of our users, manipulate the data for psychographic modeling, and then expect to us to allow him to post photos on his wall, send out friend requests, and continue to promote his Russian-American Facebook group like nothing has happened,” said Paul Brogane, Facebook’s vice-president for customer relations. “We’re going to have to suspend Mr. Trump from our networking site for the foreseeable future and perhaps indefinitely.”

President Trump, who relies on social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook to announce administration policy, threaten adversaries, and stroke his ego, did not take the news of his suspension lightly.

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Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is said to be furious with the president for stealing user data without asking first. (Credit: inverse.com)

“Facebook is treating me very, very mean,” said the president, speaking to reporters at the White House. “Most of the 50 million users we got info on were a bunch of losers anyway, so what’s the big deal? Facebook had better rethink its decision to cut me off or with just one call I could make sure that a lot of wealthy Russians don’t buy ads on their site anymore.”

Mr. Brogane said that Facebook would not be bullied by the President of the United States or any of the Russian oligarchs sitting on its board, and would not allow Mr. Trump back on its site until he learned to use data stolen from Facebook more responsibly.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

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Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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