Everything I’ve Always Wanted To Say To Donald Trump In 280-Characters Or Less

Since the moment he was elected, I’ve been trying to get Donald Trump’s attention using the only medium he understands

The Gemini twins, tweeting at each other. (Credit: Denys Almaral/http://www.3dcartoonmodels.com)

Since he doesn’t read much, can’t write in complete sentences, and only communicates in presidential pronouncements of 280-characters or less, I’ve been trying for almost a year to construct a stinging rebuke of Donald Trump that would penetrate his bullet-proof ego in a single tweet.

I started with this attempt back in mid-November, just days after the election:

@DonaldTrump, even you are shocked — all you wanted was a TV show and now this! You DON’T have to go through with it…no shame!

(Credit: Denys Almaral/http://www.3dcartoonmodels.com)

But that didn’t express the real outrage I felt, which I got in touch with during an anti-Trump rally in NYC in early December, so I tried this:

@realDonaldTrump, you are so far in over your head I can only see the top of your toupee from here. Quit before you’re beheaded. Do it!

Then I realized I was disregarding the anxiety I felt, which lead me to post this Christmas Day of 2016:

@realDonaldTrump, you are not stable. If you blow up the world, what will we tell our children? Renounce election results now!

But, upon rereading that post, I decided it sounded too weak and whiny — I needed to add a few more tines to my pitch fork. So a few days after the January inauguration, with the Lyin’ King making false claims about crowd size, I scripted this:

No one showed up in D.C., @phonypotus, because we all know you’re an illegitimate president. You know it, world knows it. SAD!

(Credit: Denys Almaral/http://www.3dcartoonmodels.com)

Then, in February, Mike Flynn resigned and we started hearing about Russian interference in the election. That really set me off!

@POTUS, you are in bed with Putin. Liar. Cheater. Deceiver. Traitor. Nullify false election and RESIGN BEFORE YOU ARE IMPEACHED!

Okay, that was a little juvenile, the sleeping with Putin part, but in March Trumpty Dumpty and Attorney General Jeff Sessions fired U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara, a bulldog who was sniffing out Trump’s many crimes in New York. What chutzpah The Fraud of Fifth Avenue has! I lost it.

WTF, @POTUS, are you really so stupid?! Firing U.S. Attorney on to your CRIMINALITY? Impeach & imprison gangster president now!

Incredibly, Benedict Donald’s unhinged presidency continued, and then he bombed Syria in May, and I saw how quickly things could escalate, how clueless he was about the killing power he held.

Step away from the Oval Office, @phonypotus, before you get us all killed. Bombs are not for children. War is not reality TV. You’re FIRED!

(Credit: Denys Almaral/http://www.3dcartoonmodels.com)

Donald Trump and I share the same birthdate, June 14th, Flag Day, and I used the occasion of our shared anniversary to tweet my bottomless disgust:

Hapless Birthday, #Darth Hater! Thanks for ruining 6/14 for all of us who do love flag, respect America, and did not commit TREASON!

My birthday wishes did not get Trump’s attention, but as Robert Mueller’s investigation heated up during the summer months and everyone in the White House seemed to fall under scrutiny, I thought we’d see the quick resignation of Sir Sissypants by August. Which prompted me to tweet this.

It is over @phonypotus. GUILTY! Mueller has caught you red handed. RESIGN or WORST PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY goes to PRISON!

Sharp. Forceful. Crushing in its condemnation. A great tweet. But not everything I needed to say to Donald Trump in 140-characters or less.

Then, this morning, after eleven months of daily Medium posts and carefully composed tweets all aimed at The Great White Dope, it came to me. I had it. A tweet that would motivate Mr. Trump to change course, act more presidential, respect the First Lady (and all women), show consideration for minorities, the poor and the less fortunate, study major legislation before signing it, read the Constitution, honor his office and the presidents who occupied it before him, and truly do what’s best for all Americans:

Will future Ken Burns documentary about your presidency end with Emmy or without? Think about that every single day,@POTUS!

****

Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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