Truth In Satire

Donald Trump/Roy Moore Double Date Invitation Found From 1978

Evidence shows the two men, now 71 and 70, palled around together in their 30’s, scouring shopping malls for young girls

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Donald Trump, a man who became president after bragging about grabbing women’s genitals, and Roy Moore, a federal judge who locked young women inside his car and groped them, are more than political allies, they were once dating buddies.

A yellowed invitation from July 1978, sent by Donald Trump and Roy Moore to a “Lola” and “Betty Jean” (no last names) asking them out on a double date, was mailed to the offices of the Alabama Sentinel newspaper last week. If authentic, the invitation, signed by both men, puts them together in Alabama at the ages of 32 and 31, respectively.

Here is the unedited text of that incriminating invitation:

July 15, 1978

Dear Lola and Betty Jean,

It was such a thrill, and a turn-on, to meet you two girls in the teen dress department at Bullock’s in the mall last week.

We don’t really understand why you were in the teen section, though, since you both have smoking bodies, all buxom and built like juicy tomatoes. You should definitely be looking for ladies clingy dresses, and sheer hosiery, not dresses for little girls.

Anyway, we were thinking it would be great to continue our conversation over dinner at McDonald’s, or the movie theater, or in the parking lot of Bullock’s with the car doors locked so no one can bother us.

I’m not sure if we told you, but Don is a rich real estate developer from New York City — the Big Apple — who knows a lot about young beauty queens like you. Yup, that’s what I said, beauty queens, because you’re both more gorgeous than supermodels. Anyway, Don is probably going to buy a couple of famous beauty pageants in the future, because he’s super rich and all, and he’d like to talk with you two about representing Alabama! What do you think? This is for real.

And, as I am pretty sure you’re aware, I’m an assistant district attorney in the county here, so you can trust me, because I’m an important assistant DA, and I know your families. In fact, since you’re both a little bit younger than we are (did you say you were 15 — no way, you both look 17, easy!), we’d be happy to call your mothers to ask if it’s okay that we go out with you, make it all on the up-and-up and everything.

But I’m sure it will be fine, because Don is a pretty powerful guy from a well-known white family up there in the Big Apple, and I’m your local assistant DA. And you can’t find a more law-abiding or trustworthy guy to date than me, the second most important law man in the whole county!

Plus, Don and I have both dated a lot of young girls before so we’d be happy to “show you the ropes,” so to speak. And I don’t mean restraining ropes, ha ha!

If you want to go out with us, no need to call or anything. Just be at the entrance to Bullock’s on Friday night at 7:00 and we’ll pick you up. Don will be driving the new blue Cadillac his Dad just bought him! You heard that right, girls, a Cadillac, because two beauties like you need to go out in style!

Hope to see you then and don’t tell your parents, but we’d be happy to call them if you really want us to, but that’s not the way grown women date.

Okay, great!

Love,
Roy and Don (Real men with real money to take you two girls out on the town, snazzy-like!)

****

Thanks all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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