Donald J. Trump’s 10 Greatest Presidential Achievements So Far — By Donald J. Trump
“Everyone knows I’m the best American president in history, but I won’t rest until I’m the best president the world has ever known”
I have done so much already, I should just stop right here, but I want to leave a legacy no future POTUS can ever top. So I have told my staff to get ready to set a lot more records. U.S. records. World records. Olympic records. Even some intergalactic ones if that damn NASA would get off their asses.
For anyone who has been asleep, I’d like to remind you of my greatness by reviewing my 10 Greatest Presidential Achievements So Far. There’s a lot more to come, but it’s fun for everyone to bask in my gloriousness a little bit every day or at least a couple times a week.
I had a hard time picking just ten but I think these are my greatest hits…so far:
- Rolling back Obamacare which was a big deal to Barkalot Obama (see what I did there, made him seem like a dog) but that I dismantled in a couple weeks and everyone agrees is great. Now you can’t get healthcare unless you pay up, which is good for insurance companies which is great for American business.
- Cancelling a lot of bad climate stuff, like the Paris accord, that was passed under Osama Obama and was killing American industry and also hurting profits. Now profits are back which is good for my friends in big business and will help contributions to my reelection campaign. 2020! Go Me!
- Scrapping that terrible, terrible, terrible Iran nuclear deal that Barry Odumbo signed that made America look like schmucks. Now we look tough again and that means happy days for my base and money in the bank for Trump 2020!
- Going back to hating Cuba after Blacky Obama tried to make nice with Castro 1 and Castro 2. Bad idea! They’ve got nukes down there and could blow up Florida so easily (FYI, my Mar-a-Lago is just 90 miles away!). Cuba is not our friend. End of story.
- Getting rid of like 800 horrible regulations related to labor, the environment and public health that were the nutso mistakes of Whacky Barracky, but I fixed them. Thank you, DJT! You can’t run a successful country when everyone is trying to be healthy and safe! No way. Grow some balls, America!
- Slamming the door on immigration for a gazillion wetbacks, towel heads and other Muslims and DANGEROUS non-whites who were going to INFEST our country. Barack Insane Obama wanted to let everyone in. I said, NO WAY, JOSE! Go back to the hut where you came from.
- Getting more guns into the hands of teachers, off-duty cops, and off-duty rednecks so more good, loving Christian people in this country can be FULLY ARMED. Thank God I came along because Candy Ass Gaybama wanted to take away your Second Amendment rights. Bang! That idea is officially dead.
- Bringing back coal and steel when Barack Omelonpatch was trying to make sissy stuff like solar, wind, and battery operated commercial jets more important. We need COAL! We need STEEL! We need manly industries that keep voters in Kentucky and West Virginia happy and overweight and lazy and pliable!
- Oh, look, we’re DRILLING IN THE ARCTIC AGAIN, thanks to you know who! Good thing the The Kenyan Kid didn’t have his way, because he wanted to ban drilling up there. Fuck the penguins, or mooses, or whatever, bring back the oil!
- Pulling out of the bad and stupid Trans-Pacific Partnership that Hussein Obimbo thought was so great. I knew it wasn’t great. Don’t ask me how I knew because I didn’t read all of it, but I JUST KNEW! Now I can get on with my good, old-fashioned TRADE WAR that is going to scare the shit out of all those chink countries and MAKE AMERICA THE BOSS OF THE WORLD AGAIN — or MATBOTWA!
MATBOTWA! (unless that sounds too Kenyan),
President Donald J. Trump
Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.
I read every comment. And I try to answer.