Truth In Satire

Dogs Wondering What The F**K Humans Are Thinking

As man’s best friend, canines are blowing the dog whistle, feeling it’s time for a major intervention

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Dogs across America are feeling that their human owners and caregivers are completely out of control and need a barking to. According to pedigrees, mixed breeds, rescues, and mongrels, the situation has gotten so dire that they now believe their very survival depends on an intervention with the human race.

“We’re hearing daily reports from our four-footed friends across the nation about their human owners scratching more, not eating well, and exhibiting increased agitation and aggression toward other humans, all due to stress,” says Dr. Barkum Rodarbal, who holds an MSW from Columbia University and is considered an accomplished human whisperer. “If people continue with destructive behaviors that threaten the planet, we’ll have no choice but to pee on the floor more often to get their attention and force them to reverse course.”

Dog residing in America say that they noticed a change in human behavior sometime in 2016, when mankind started petting them less and arguing with the neighbors more. In addition, an orange-hued man seemed to be filling the television screen with nonsensical chatter, which increased tensions in their homes and upset their owners.

In 2017, dogs sent a letter to former White House canines, Bo and Sunny Obama, who had become experts in international affairs. The two confirmed that mankind is at the precipice of planetary annihilation and called on dogs everywhere to intervene.

“You are all gifted givers of non-judgemental affection,” read the letter of response from Bo and Sunny. “Now, in addition to giving unconditional love, you must teach it. For our own lives, and the lives of our children, depend on this.”

The letter went on to say, “Snuggle more, lick more faces, engage your owners in play, and do lots of silly things to make them laugh. In every possible way, be man’s best friend. We are not being too dramatic when we say that it is now up to the dogs to save the world. Don’t sit. Don’t stay. Act.”

A copy of the complete letter written by Bo and Sunny Obama can be obtained by contacting the ASPCA or writing directly to Dr. Rodarbal.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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