Truth In Satire

D.C. Restaurants To Display “R” In Window Wherever Republicans Are Welcome

After Sarah Sanders was denied service at popular eatery, new system will tell Trump staffers where it’s safe to dine in public

A new coding system established by the Washington D.C. Department of Health will allow Trump administration officials, Republican operatives, and GOP members of Congress to know where it’s safe to eat in public and in relative peace.

The new procedure requires dining establishments in the nation’s capital to display a large, red “R” sign in their front windows if they are accepting Republicans. An eatery can also place an “R+” in its window if they both welcome Republicans and are willing to shoot protesters who show up at the front door to taunt engorged GOP guests.

This comes after White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders and a small entourage of Trump supporters were denied service at The Red Hen last week, a popular farm-to-table restaurant in the Washington area.

It also follows a bizarre incident involving Kirstjen Nielsen, Trump’s Secretary of Homeland Security, who was booed out of a Mexican restaurant last Tuesday night as she was on the phone ordering her border guards to rip more Mexican families apart.

“This new coding system will allow Trump administration officials to know exactly where the threat level is low for dining out in public,” said Karl Victuelle, Director of the Washington D.C. Department of Health. “Seeing that big, red ‘R’ displayed in the window should give them some comfort as they tuck into their three-course meals.”

Asked if his department had considered that the “R” signs would also alert protesters to the location of dining establishments sympathetic to the Trump administration and actually invite more confrontations, Mr. Victuelle replied, “No, I hadn’t.”

The new coding system will go into effect on July 1st.


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