Truth In Satire

Congress Drops Effort To Kill Obamacare — Will Repeal And Replace Trump Instead

Republicans and Democrats agree on bi-partisan effort to eliminate “orange scourge” threatening American democracy

Finally, the kind of repeal and replace the whole nation can rally behind. (Credit: mannheim24.de)

After their seven-year crusade to quash the Affordable Care Act failed spectacularly last week, and with no legislative successes to speak of despite controlling both houses of Congress and the White House, chastened Republicans left Washington for a late summer recess and a chance to lick their self-inflicted wounds.

Most say they’ll return in September with new priorities and a singular focus —to repeal and replace Donald Trump.

“With President Trump leading our party we’ve failed to get a single friggin’ thing done in seven months,” said Senator Jeff Flake, Republican of Arizona. “It’s totally embarrassing. He’s like a reverse King Midas — instead of gold, everything he touches turns to dog caca.”

“You won’t be hearing anything more from me about repealing and replacing Obamacare,” said a resolute Mitch McConnell, the Senate majority leader. “When we return from recess, it’s going to be an all-out, bipartisan effort to revoke, rescind, reverse, and retract the disastrous presidency of Donald Trump. I’m not even going to pretend to like him anymore. The single most important thing I want to achieve is for President Trump to be a one-year president.”

Neither Mr. McConnell nor any other GOP leader has spelled out their plan for removing Mr. Trump — whether it be by impeachment or implementation of the 25th Amendment to the Constitution, which allows Congress to expel a president who’s proves to be either incompetent or too dumb to perform his or her job.

However, both Sen. McConnell and Democratic Minority Leader Chuck Schumer say that they’ve never seen such overwhelming bi-partisan support from their caucuses for the ouster of President Trump.

“I’m look forward to joining hands with my brothers and sisters across the aisle in this unprecedented effort to boot Donald Trump out of office,” said Sen. Schumer. “We’re more determined than ever to remove the ‘orange scourge’ from our midst and end the threat he presents to our American democracy and the world.”

Mr. Schumer added that with the president away on a 17-day “working vacation” at his New Jersey golf club, “we’re reviewing all legal actions at our disposal to prevent the imposter president from returning to Washington. We have a few tricks up our sleeve, I can assure you, and with any luck we’ll be rid of Schmuck L’Orange by Labor Day.”

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My thanks to Medium writer and reader, Susan Redge, who inspired this story. And you can find more priceless nicknames here for the Orange Accident.

Thank you.

–AI

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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