Truth In Satire

“Clap For Me Or Die!” Declares President

Mr. Trump’s latest threat has millions of Americans frantically testing their applause reflex

“Treasonous” Senate Democrats pictured not clapping during President Trump’s speech last week, a crime now punishable by death. (Credit: mystateman.com)

At a campaign-style rally in Ohio on Monday, President Donald Trump suggested that “un-American” Democrats who attended his State of the Union address but did not applaud for him “were treasonous and should die.”

The president also said that in the future, if members of Congress and other American citizens did not stand and clap for him as he successfully read from a teleprompter, they would “either be killed on the spot or arrested and thrown in Guantanamo, and it really sucks down there, believe me.”

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More horrible, non-effusive Democrats behaving badly. (Credit: dailywire.com)

The president said he was especially angry last Tuesday because he had given Vice-President Mike Pence and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan “applause” signs to hold up every couple of seconds to prompt people in the chamber to erupt with exclamations of “bravo” and enthusiastically salute him.

“Pence was facing the Democrats’ side and I don’t think he held up the goddamn sign once,” said the president. “I oughta throw his sorry ass in Gitmo, too — that would teach him who the real God is around here.”

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All these black legislators not cheering for the president? Forget it, they’re so fucked it’s not funny. (Credit: talkingpointsmemo.com)

Mr. Trump added that he would likely hire high-school friends of sons Eric and Don Jr. in the future to monitor crowds at his speaking events and identify “non-standers, non-clappers, and anyone who gives me a thumbs down or, worse, flips me the bird, which will result in on-the-spot executions, I can tell you that.”

A spokesman for the Justice Department said that execution for non-applause without due process was an unusual punishment, but “if we want to make America great again, we’re going to have to apply some new ideas that a few people might find extreme, but Mr. Trump is the kind of president who’s willing to do things differently to achieve success…and compliance.”

No word from the White House yet as to how foreign leaders who fail to clap for the president will be punished.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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