Truth In Satire

After Trump’s Tariff Threats, China Makes $30 Trillion Hostile Bid For U.S.

President Xi Jinping shrewdly counters coming trade war with surprise offer to purchase America outright

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President Trump signed a tentative deal to sell the United States to China for $30 trillion in a mostly cash offer. (Credit:

resident Donald Trump claimed on Monday that he working on “a huge deal with China that will bring more than $30 trillion into America. No president has ever done anything like this before and it’s all because of my tariff pressure! SMART!”

In a series of tweets, Mr. Trump also called the historic deal, “a total game changer that’s going to give the Chinese a tiny tiny foothold in the West while giving us a huge pile of cash to work with in creating great jobs, building high border walls, passing a huge infrastructure package, and making our military the best in the world…all while cutting taxes. TOTAL WIN-WIN!”

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Mr. Trump seemed confused when told the China deal would mean he’d have to step down as U.S. president.(Credit:

But not everyone agrees. Lawrence Korb, vice president of the Council on Foreign Relations and a former assistant Secretary of Defense calls it, in effect, “a hostile takeover.”

“With all due respect, I don’t think President Trump fully understands the implications of a bid by China to purchase all of America,” said Dr. Korb. “This isn’t going to make the U.S. stronger, it’s going to make us weaker. In fact, it’s going to render us non-existent.”

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Amb. Soderberg thinks Donald Trump’s deal with the Chinese is “nothing short of insane.” (Credit:

And Dr. Korb was not alone in his criticism. Ambassador Nancy Soderberg, an expert in U.S. foreign policy, said, “I think Xi Jinping is completely outmaneuvering Mr. Trump here, using the president’s insatiable appetite for money, as well as his utter lack of understanding of international sovereignty laws, to pull a fast one on him. Mr. Trump is essentially letting China take over our government, but without firing a shot, either economically or militarily.”

Despite growing outrage from every corner of the political spectrum and every member of Congress, Mr. Trump doubled-down on defending his actions, saying that no one could have negotiated a better deal: “I tried to get Russia involved in a bidding war by pressuring them with tough sanctions and tariffs , too, but ultimately Vlad said they didn’t have the resources to get in the game. China’s offer was far superior to anybody else’s. They’re paying top dollar, believe me, and people should be very happy.”

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Eager to get back to his big deal with China, Mr. Trump barely noticed President Buhari of Nigeria sitting to his right on Monday. (Credit:

While it is unlikely that regulators would ever okay such a deal, President Trump, speaking at a press conference alongside the visiting president of Nigeria, Muhammadu Buhari, said there was no way he was going to go back on his promise to President Xi Jinping and cancel the deal.

“Look, we shook hands on it, okay? And, as anyone who has ever done business with me can tell you, my handshake is as good as signed paper.”

A special session of Congress will convene on Tuesday to consider to the broader implications of President Trump selling America to the Chinese.


Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

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