Chief Justice Urges Obama To Cancel Election, Cites National Security Risk

Roberts tells president “I am so f — king scared.”

Justice John Roberts offered ten reasons why this election was total crap before it even got started.

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts sent a private email to President Barack Obama last week pleading with him to cancel the upcoming November 8th election, writing, “If Drumpf becomes president we can kiss this nation goodbye. If Clinton becomes president, we won’t see a 9th justice confirmed until hell freezes over and that will never happen due to climate change.”

The email, released by Wikileaks with a trove of one thousand other hacked documents, was written by Roberts on October 12th and went on to say, “I spoke with all the other justices and they agree, the president has the power to stop an election if there’s a national emergency and, brother, America has never been more screwed than it is right now.”

Roberts told Obama that if he succeeded in halting the election by decree, the Chief Justice would personally guarantee an 8–0 decision in favor of the president if Congress challenged. “Ryan and McConnell can shove it up their tight, chicken-shit asses if they don’t like it.”

Stopped in front of her Georgetown home today, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg responded to a reporter’s question about the hacked email with a round house kick to the head.

Justice Samuel Alito, reached by phone, called the accusations of a Supreme Court conspiracy to halt the election, “Baseless, but a hell of a good idea.”

According to the Constitution, if a presidential election is canceled due to a national emergency, the sitting president remains in office until one candidate goes to jail for tax evasion and the other is sent to prison for destroying classified state department documents.

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