Carrying Cell Phones In Back Pocket Leads To Clogged Toilets Worldwide

Problem so pervasive, smart phone makers now packaging rubber gloves with new models

“Shit, no, fuck, that did not happen, no, oh God, I hope it still works … FUCK, NO!!” are words being heard in bathrooms from Shanghai to Johannesburg to Seattle.

Apple, Samsung, Huawei and other major smartphone manufacturers are now issuing warnings to users not to carry the devices in their back pockets. The advisory is an attempt to prevent a plumbing systems problem that is overwhelming municipalities worldwide.

“Every day we’re receiving reports of falling cellphones backing up toilets, clogging indoor plumbing, and causing street flooding,” said Renaldo Estrada, Head of NYC’s Wastewater Treatment System. “It’s one of the biggest problems we face today.”

While slippery hands after washing cause some of the accidental drops, most are the result of the phones popping out of rear pockets when people go to sit down on the toilet or when pulling their pants up after defecating or urinating.

“It happened to me,” says Laurie Casten, a floor manager at the New Balance store in Boston. “I didn’t want to put my hand in there to retrieve my phone so I just flushed. Within minutes the fire department showed up because the phone had blocked some pipes or something and blew a water main in the street. I was so friggin’ embarrassed.”

Mr. Estrada recommends that people carry their phones in their front side pockets, put them in a backpack or purse, or don’t carry them into the bathroom at all. “Even if you have to suspend a game of Words With Friends for a few minutes or miss a few gun boot kills playing Downwell, it’s better than losing your phone in a sea of feces.”

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.