Statue Of Liberty Flees New York To Protect Her Enormous Vagina From Trump
Big Green Lady says leaving the city was the only way to keep her huge p — sy safe from the president-elect
There’s one New York lady who’s not sticking around to find out what kind of sexual perversions president-elect Donald Trump has in store for her. America’s most enduring symbol of freedom, the Statue of Liberty, made a dramatic predawn getaway, jumping from her granite pedestal, swimming across New York Harbor, and fleeing north. According to authorities, she left a revealing note behind.
As Lady Liberty made her way up the Eastern seaboard, the enormous copper statue, a woman of French descent, seemed determined to reach Canada. Richard Billings, who was raking leaves in Stratford, CT, yelled up to the Big Green Lady as she passed. “I recognized her immediately, so I shouted as loud as I could to ask where she was going,” said Billings. “She was moving so fast I could barely hear her response, but I think she said, ‘Where the enemies of freedom can’t find me.’”
Before she fled, The Mother of Exiles left behind a patina-covered copper tablet with a note scratched into it. National Park Rangers recovered the hastily written communique on Liberty Island and turned it over to the FBI. The agency revealed its contents within hours:
Mes amis Americains,
I have been with you since 1886, through some of the darkest and most difficult times in your country’s history. I stood unflinchingly as terrorists brought down the World Trade Center towers and remained steadfast as you rebuilt lower Manhattan.
But this Trump thing, people, what the hell were you thinking? The man’s a repulsive xenophobe, an isolationist, a dangerous sexual predator, a consummate liar, a lousy businessman, and he has that hideous hair, too. My American sisters are now under siege, in danger of losing basic human rights. Minorities and immigrants will fair no better. C’est horrible!
But even with all this, I have another reason for escaping New York at this time: I have never revealed this to you before, but under my flowing Roman stola, I am actually a very sexy young woman, with a gigantic French pussy. How long do you think that the fascist pig Trump would stand by without trying to grab it? I’m sorry, don’t hate me, but that’s just too much.
I have great love for you all in my 20-foot heart and I will think of you daily. Please know that if you recover your senses in four years, and throw out that thimble-brained pervert, I will happily return to you.
Bon courage, jusqu’alors!
La Dame Verte
It is not known exactly where Lady Liberty will settle now that she has left the country, but Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said she would be “more than welcome to strike her majestic pose in any Canadian body of water.”