Truth In Satire

At Wailing Wall, Trump Tells Netanyahu, “My Wall Will Be Better Than This One”

President’s awkward comment while visiting one of Judaism’s holiest sites leaves Israelis in shock

President Trump checks the quality of the mortar at the Western Wall in Jerusalem. (Credit: Washington Examiner)

After he became the first sitting U.S. president to visit the Western Wall, also called the Wailing Wall, in the Old City of Jerusalem, Donald Trump offended Israelis and Jews everywhere by criticizing the quality of stone and mortar used to build the historic temple wall.

“I don’t know who the contractor was on this job, Bibi,” said the president, using a well-known nickname for Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, “but they ripped you off. I know concrete and this stuff is piss poor — looks like something they mixed 2000 years ago. It’s all cracked and then they tried to fill the gaps with little pieces of paper. Ridiculous!”

Prime Minister Netanyahu tries to give Mr. Trump a brief lesson in Israeli history, the Jewish religion, the Palestinian conflict, and the challenges of negotiating Middle East peace. (Credit: ABC News)

After PM Netanyahu explained to President Trump that he was standing before a sacred Jewish shrine that dated to the 2nd century BC — and that the notes of paper the president saw were not filler but written prayers left by worshipers— Mr. Trump nonetheless resumed his negative assessment of the 160-ft long wall that is all that remains of the Second Temple of Jerusalem destroyed by the Romans around 70CE.

“Well, if they had gotten their mortar right, the damn Romans would have turned and gone home, I promise you.” replied the president. “These people didn’t use any rebar, no steel at all. What is that? My border wall is going to be completely reinforced — no fucking Romans are going to tear that thing down, I can tell you that.”

After disparaging the Western Wall, Mr. Trump then tried to muscle Israel’s prime minister into completing a Middle East peace deal by Thursday, when the president will be leaving the conflict area.

“I heard it’s one of the toughest deals of all,” said Mr. Trump. “But I have a feeling we will get there eventually. I am so good at negotiating deals, I think we’ll have this wrapped up by tomorrow.”

Mr. Trump was apparently unaware that peace in the Middle East between the Israelis, the Palestinians, and other Arab neighbors had eluded his predecessors for decades.

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