Saying they don’t want to judge the president too soon, Congressional Democrats have decided to hang back for his first 100 days, checking the pulse of the nation again sometime in April.
“I think people just need to relax and give the man a chance,” said Senate minority leader, Chuck Schumer. “We’ll have plenty of time later to counter President Trump’s executive actions on immigration, refugees, the border wall, torture, nuclear proliferation, energy policy, climate change, LGBTQ protections, equal pay for women, abortion…uh, did I miss any?
Schumer was not the only Congressional leader who seemed oddly lax at a time when the core values of American democracy appear to be under attack by the new administration.
Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts, who swore after the election that she would oppose President Trump at every turn, instead turning her back on sane America when she rather sheepishly voted to approve Ben Carson’s nomination as secretary of the Department of Housing and Urban Development — along with Ohio’s liberal Senator Sherrod Brown.
“The fact that Ben Carson has absolutely no idea what HUD even does, did not influence my voting decision,” said Warren. “What swayed me was President Trump’s promise that he would stop calling me Pocahontas and refer to me in the future as Sacajawea, who I respect much more as a Native American pioneer.”
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, Democratic leader of the House, said she hoped to do some volunteer work and maybe have “a little nip-and-tuck procedure,” since she’ll have several months to recuperate.
“I want to assure the American people — especially nervous Democrats and those with children whose futures have just gone up in orange smoke — that we will not take our eyes off this president for one minute. We just think it’s fair to give him some time to get his cabinet leaders and administration in place before we go after him with the full arsenal of our empty threats, wishy-washy challenges, and anemic countermeasures.”
Former President Barack Obama, reached on a Caribbean island where he is vacationing with his wife Michelle, said that he was extremely frustrated with the Democrat’s weak response to the new president’s aggressive political tactics.
“I waited eight years for Democratic party leaders to grow a pair of balls, and it never happened,” said Mr. Obama. “If I were them, I would unleash James Carville in Congressional chambers and let that rabid dog rip out the Republicans’ entrails. Trump would find out real fast that some Democrats talk fancy, while others have incisors capable of tearing those puckered lips off his face in a New York minute.”
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