Truth In Satire

Antarctica Appeals To Trump For Nuclear Weapons Of Its Own

Residents of southernmost continent say without nukes “anyone could just come down here and blow the bottom of the earth off”

Half the population of Antarctica showed up at the Frei Montalva Station to vote on petitioning the U.S. for “a stash of deadly nuclear warheads.” The vote was 69–0 in favor. Three people were too cold to raise their hands.

The 135 permanent residents of the coldest, driest and windiest continent on the planet have petitioned President Donald Trump asking to get on his short list of countries expected to receive nuclear weapons.

Dr. Einar Huseby, dressed in his summer parka, says that Mr. Trump should “come down here and explain to us, balaclava to balaclava, why we shouldn’t have nukes, too.”

“The president told Japan, South Korea and Saudi Arabia awhile back that they were in line to receive a full arsenal of doomsday bombs,” said Dr. Einar Huseby, a research scientist and spokesman for the Organization Of People Still Alive Down Here (OOPSADH). “We’d like to see our people similarly rewarded for living in this god-forsaken place trying to keep the South Pole from turning to slush.”

Huseby said that he and the other 134 residents are concerned that “a rogue nation might try to invade Antarctica, seizing control of our many varieties of algae, bacteria, fungi, protista, not to mention penguins. You can forget about another Happy Feet movie or a March of…