Allan, thanks for telling me about Carp Creamery, but I have never developed a taste for fish flavored ice cream (what is with these fucking Canadians and their fish?).

Your note did, however, solidify my commitment to visit Ottawa. Not because your community is ranked #1 by Expedia, but because the enticement of 48 flavors of ice cream is on par with fake boobs for you.

Allan, Allan, Allan…how can I reasonably allow a man who shares my exact spelling to publicly confess to liking ice cream, fish ice cream no less, more than silicon-filled breast flesh?

I’m booking my ticket now. Make up that extra bed. Should be there by sunset.


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