After Secretary of State Rex Tillerson refused to deny a report on Wednesday that he called Mr. Trump a “moron” over the summer, the president’s entire cabinet jumped in to say they’ve called him that and much more.
“I don’t think it’s fair for Rex to be hung out to dry on this one,” said Dept. of Energy Secretary Rick Perry, who has been called an imbecile himself many times before. “I admit it, I’ve referred to the president as a halfwit and cretin, and once I even called him a lummox, but not to his face.”
“I have respect for the president, but I wouldn’t say he is a political prodigy,” said Atty General Jeff Sessions. “More like a loathsome lamebrain or a despicable dingbat.”
Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, the elder statesman of the group, who has little tolerance for stupidity, admitted that he has called Mr. Trump a “dunce” and a “ninny” often in the past.
He then added, “I once blurted out during an Oval Office meeting that the president was a ‘useless dope.’ When he asked me what I had just said, I quickly recovered and asserted that I called him our “only hope.’ But it’s obvious to everyone that Trump’s an incompetent dunderhead, isn’t it?”
The Sec. of Education Betsy DeVos, who has been harshly criticized for her own lack of brain cells, told a close friend last month that the president made her look like Einstein. “Sometimes during a cabinet meeting, members have to leap up and run from the room so they don’t laugh right in the president’s face. Honestly, I just want to lift up his toupee at times and look inside his skull, see if there’s anything in there.”
James Mattis, the Secretary of Defense, a retired general and perhaps the most cerebral of all the cabinet members, was careful in his condemnation of the president, but no less withering: “President Trump is my commander in chief and I owe him my service, but that doesn’t mean I’d want to be lying next to the guy in a foxhole. He’s a putz, a klutz, and a knucklehead all rolled into one unfortunate orange accident. I try to stay clear of him as much as I can.”
All of Washington is now on tenterhooks waiting to see if First Lady Melania Trump will fess up to reports that she told an anonymous source back in May before moving into the White House, “I’m so utterly embarrassed by my galoot of a husband. I speak five languages and I’ve modeled throughout the world. He can’t speak English worth a damn and he barely reads or writes. And the only thing Donald has ever modeled is the prototype for stupidity. How in god’s name will I get through four years in the White House standing next to that ignoramus? I just hope the impeachment happens soon.”
Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.
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