Truth In Satire
After Fleeing U.S. On Air Force One, Trump Requests Political Asylum In Japan
President appeals to Shinzo Abe but says he would be happy with refugee status in South Korea, China, Vietnam, or the Philippines
After receiving word on Friday that Special Counsel Robert Mueller held a sealed indictment against him, President Donald Trump escaped the United States aboard Air Force One on what he called, “a 12-day Asia trip.”
However, upon arriving in Japan on Sunday morning, the president immediately requested political asylum from Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.
“I have just received fake news that the witch hunter Mueller is coming after me with a phony indictment, so I am forced to temporarily protect myself by requesting refugee status from my good friend, Chimpanzoo Abe,” said Mr. Trump in Tokyo. “Chimpanzoo assures me that I can remain in Japan as long as it takes for me to clear my good name.”
Before leaving the airport under heavy samurai guard, Mr. Trump added, “I should also mention that the First Lady and any other family members accompanying me on this trip are totally on their own at this point. It’s every Trump for him or herself going forward.”
Mr. Trump was then hurried away to an undisclosed location in Japan’s capital while his entourage was left milling around the tarmac near Air Force One. It is not known what their fates will be, but Melania Trump was last seen being whisked to a waiting limousine by Rex Tillerson, the former porn star and current Secretary of State.
It is unusual for a sitting president to request refugee status from an ally of the United States, but these are unusual times. Mr. Trump did issue a brief statement saying that if Japan rejected his asylum request, he would make the same appeal to the leaders of South Korea, China, Vietnam, and the Philippines.
In the event that all nations refuse his application for political asylum, President Trump said he would then appeal for medical amnesty due to a recurring bone spur condition.
Back in Washington, a gleeful Mike Pence was said to be preparing to occupy the Oval Office in the president’s absence, a role he has been preparing for since November 8, 2016.
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–AI
