Truth In Satire

After Comey Firing, Ivanka Trump Asks President, “Daddy, Are We In Trouble?”

Daughter’s pillow talk raises serious questions about president and First Family’s culpability in Russian election meddling

Okay, what daughter on the entire fucking planet looks at her father this way? (Credit:

Ivanka Trump, daughter of President Donald Trump, who was at his side throughout the campaign and has been the acting First Lady since his inauguration, has been telegraphing signs of deep trouble inside the White House during the past 72 hours.

The shapely courtesan of the recently-elected faux-president has been cancelling massage appointments, missing one-on-one yoga sessions, and skipping Pilates classes under speculation that Trump aides want to keep her close to her sugar daddy Daddy until order is restored inside the Trump White House.

The president and his faux-First Lady in less complicated times. (Credit: Daily Mirror)

“Ivanka is more of a political liability right now than anyone in Trump’s inner circle other than the president himself,” said one senior administration official, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “One ditzy, loose-lipped utterance from that vapid paramour and this entire administration could come tumbling down.”

“No one knows what she’s doing within a mile of the White House in the first place,” said another top aide. “From the beginning, she’s been consulting with her father on the immigration ban, North Korean nuclear proliferation, the trade imbalance with China, curtain colors for the Lincoln bedroom, and the opening of an ‘Ivanka Boutique’ in the basement of the White House. It’s like ‘The Blonde Kardashian Comes To Washington,’ and the longer this reality freak show continues, the more fucked we all are.”

As the unraveling of the Trump presidency gained momentum on Wednesday, Ivanka Trump was seen brushing her father’s hair through an Oval Office window, then meeting with Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov to discuss the opening of an “Ivanka Boutique” pop-up store in the Russian hipster city of St. Petersburg.

While his daughter handled the awkwardly-timed meeting with Mr. Lavrov, President Trump was heard screaming at the television by members of the White House press corps, maniacally denying obstruction of justice allegations on the heels of his Sally Yates, Preet Bharara, and James Comey firings.

Unfortunately, no one from the Trump camp was available for comment, other than Eric Trump, an imbecile whose comments the media no longer bothers to document.


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