Truth In Satire

African Elephants Say They Won’t Forget Trump’s Betrayal Come Midterms

Lions, Cape buffaloes join pachyderms in angry protest after Trump administration reverses pledge to ban trophy hunting

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After calling it a “horror show” last year, President Donald Trump promised to ban the importation of endangered animals killed during African big-game hunting expeditions.

But that pledge didn’t last long, as the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service quietly reversed the president’s empty assurance this week.

Elephants, along with other threatened species, are angry.

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“If President Trump thinks we’re going to forget about this betrayal, he’s got the wrong animal,” said an African elephant living in Zimbabwe, speaking through an interpreter. “We will remember this broken promise during the midterms in November and will work with animal conservation groups to fight the anti-environmental policies of the Trump administration and its standard bearer, Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke. Head stomping is not out of the question either.”

Lions are also reported to be furious with the decision to end the ban on the import of big-game trophies. One large male lion, sitting with his pride under the shade of a baobab tree in Botswana, had this to say through his Bantu interpreter:

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“The Trump boys come over here acting like tough guys with their high-powered rifles ready to kill elephants, rhinos, lions, and others of our colleagues in the wild. Well, let me say this to them — Donnie Jr., Eric, I’m watching you. When you least expect it, you’re going to feel the wrath of my 4-inch claws and 3-inch canines ripping your kidneys out through the small of your backs. Then you can carry those lacerated organs off to Daddy to show him your bloody trophies.”

A statement from the White House released on Thursday in response to the backlash from elephants, lions, buffaloes, leopards and other big game species read in part: “President Trump wants to assure Africa’s animal population that he is a friend to all wild beasts, having been labeled one himself many times. He is also making an unbreakable promise to elephants that they will remain the mascot of the Republican party for as long as he is president.”


Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

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Thank you.


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