Truth In Satire
President also ordered FEMA to instruct Texans on the benefits of shoes and clothing
After saying that Texans suffered from “Neanderthal thinking” earlier in the week, President Joe Biden doubled down on Thursday ordering FEMA to send the state “the wheel and fire, and instruct Texas residents on the benefits of shoes and clothing.”
Truth In Satire
SCOTUS says that “Creeps from one political party are not superior to creeps from another party”
In a major ruling on Tuesday, the Supreme Court determined that “a sexual predator is a sexual predator no matter his political party.”
The decision related to ongoing accusations of sexual harassment against Republican Donald Trump and Democrat Andrew Cuomo.
Justice Sotomayor wrote: “Just because you are a Democrat does not mean you are superior when it comes to abusing the rights of women in your administration or violating those women in your employ. While Republicans have a hideous track record on this issue, Democrats do not occupy the high ground. …
Truth In Satire
“After being sentenced to prison today, I’ve concluded that Rudy Giuliani is not only a terrible attorney, but a sweaty solicitor”
The former president of France, Nicolas Sarkozy, is bemoaning the fact that he took the advice of another conservative president, Donald “Coup D’Etat” Trump, when deciding on a lawyer to defend him against corruption charges.
Truth In Satire
Also plans to announce that Republican Party will change name to “White Boys Club”
There’ll be no more subtly aimed political messages when Benedict Donald takes the stage at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) on Sunday night, according to his aides.
Darth Hater is expected to skip the tiptoeing-around, dog-whistle approach, previously preferred by white supremacist politicians, and bellow like a brawler directly into the bigot bullhorn, while announcing sweeping changes to the Republican Party and its agenda, as follows:
- Grand Old Party to change name to “White Boys Club”
- New headquarters for WBC will be in Richmond, VA
- Adolf Twitler, aka Boss Tweet, aka Donald Trump, will be president of the WBC…
Truth In Satire
Hundreds of right-wingers in attendance seemed unaware that the deadly virus was singing their tune
COVID-19 was the special guest at the opening of the 2021 Conservative Political Action Conference in Orlando on Friday, and kicked off the festivities with a rousing chorus of “I’ll Leap Into Your Lungs!”
The rendition was especially poignant as just moments before hundreds of CPAC attendees booed and heckled hosts for asking them to wear masks.
Truth In Satire
Conservative militia group says it will be singling out “other forbidden foreign breeds of the rich and famous in the future”
A mysterious militia group calling themselves “Patriots For American Canines” is claiming responsibility for the theft of Lady Gaga’s beloved French Bulldogs.
Koji and Gustav were grabbed on Wednesday night in Hollywood after Lady Gaga’s dog walker was shot during the violent abduction. Patriots For American Canines (PAC) also claimed on social media that they were armed with detonating doggie treats when they stole the singer’s exotic pups.
“True patriots should own only American bulldogs, not French,” a PAC member posted on the Parler site. “In the future, we will also be targeting German Shepherds, Norwegian Elkhounds, English Springer Spaniels…
Truth In Satire
Saying “It Will Make Too Many Americans Happy,” GOP Plans To Block Biden’s $1.9 Trillion Relief Bill
“A much stingier bill would leave enough misery in the country to keep our grievance vote intact,” said Sen. Mitch McConnell
Republicans in Congress, lead by Sen. Mitch McConnell, said they oppose President Biden’s popular $1.9 trillion Covid relief bill, “because it will make far too many Americans happy.”
“The job of the GOP is to cause more pain for the people,” said Sen. McConnell, when asked why he would oppose a bill that would help so many Americans. “A much stingier bill would leave enough misery in the country to keep the Republican grievance vote intact. We need a sullen, despondent electorate if we have any chance of winning in 2022.”
Truth In Satire
The order protects the stars and stripes against petting, kissing, humping, or other sexual assault by the former president
Aformerly fondled American flag, scheduled to be onstage with Donald Trump at the upcoming CPAC meeting in Florida this weekend, has filed a restraining order against the former president.
Truth In Satire
After SCOTUS denies ex-president’s continued efforts to hide his returns, he says he’ll turn them over “once they’re laundered”
First they couldn’t be released because Trump claimed he was under audit. Then he said he couldn’t find them. Then the dog ate them.
On Monday, after the U.S. Supreme Court denied his continued efforts to shield his tax returns from prosecutors in New York, the ex-president agreed to turn them over, “once I get them back from the dry cleaners, where they’re being laundered.”
The criminal president, who attempted to stage a coup d’etat against the U.S. government last month, said that his tax returns “were very dusty and dirty because they’ve been stored in the basement at the…
Truth In Satire
“His racist, misogynistic radio show will live on in the anals (sic) of good, conservative hatred forever,” said DeSantis
To honor its native son-of-a-bitch and resident racist, Florida will be lowering flags to “half-crass,” according to Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis.
“By lowering our flags to ‘half-crass,’ the people of Florida are offering a final salute to the man who made daily on-air indiscretions, improprieties, and galling gaucheries his own,” said DeSantis on Saturday.
In opposition to the governor’s controversial order, Florida Democrats are suggesting, instead, that state flags “be lowered to six feet under to celebrate the burial of Rush Limbaugh’s dangerous brand of demeaning conservative hatred.”
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