A comprehensive list of all those who will benefit from a Benedict Donald dictatorship — Whether you’re red or blue, love democracy or enjoyed the coup. Whether you’re straight or gay, a young activist or wizened and gray. Whether you’re yellow, black or white, stand for peace or prefer a fight. Whether you’re a Muslim or a Jew, or a racist through and through. Whether you’ve come to make a new start,

‘I have asked my supporters to back Nikki and I’m proud to say all four agreed,’ said the failed presidential candidate —

Chaotic classics from the man who dragged us through four hellish holiday seasons, and hopes to do so again — Enjoy this miserly music at your midnight mass or midnight massacre, written by The Cranky Christmas Creamsicle himself. Violent Night (Sung to the tune of Silent Night) Violent night Unholy night, All is war All is fright. Grab your virgins, mothers and childs, Harass all women, be boorish and wild. Weep till America ceases. Weep till America ends…

‘An ocean of lies is no reason to keep a good MAGA man down,’ said the four-time indicted, ex-president — “George Santos is a professional liar, someone who actually makes me look honest, so he needs to stay at the top echelons of government,” said Donald Trump, moments after the New York Republican was booted from office. “That’s why I will immediately nominate him to the Supreme Court once re-elected.”

Move comes after billionaire founder Bernie Marcus says he’ll fund Trump even if he’s convicted — In a move meant to underline HOME DEPOT’s enduring commitment to a four-time indicted, coup-inciting megalomaniac, its founding fruitcake has announced that he’s changing the name of the building supply behemoth to HOME DESPOT. “Our core customer is a blue-collar, middle-aged white man who loves Donald Trump and his autocratic…

‘Taylor Made turned my devastating car crash into a plus with this amazing new putter,’ said Woods — Tiger Woods won’t let multiple leg injuries from a rollover car crash in 2021 prevent him from competing at the highest level. That’s why he’ll be trying out a never-before-seen putter at the PNC Championship on Dec. 16–17. “It’s a little odd-looking, I admit, but this innovative ‘crutch putter’ has…

#666 would be a fitting reminder of the hell in store for America if he gets another chance — Donald Trump has more caps for sale than the peddler in the classic kid’s book. But his caps are way more dangerous. The MAGA cap and #45 lid are familiar, but some other numbers would be more honest on the head. #666 — Associated with Satan, many people avoid things…

An equal percentage claim they can teach an old dog new tricks, while more than 30% can squeeze blood out of a turnip — A recent study throws cold water on a number of “truisms” that, surprisingly, turn out to be not dyed in the wool. 92% said that his bite is much worse than his bark, especially if he has rabies Almost 99% of men, but only 22% of women, had blown smoke…

By cuddling all 56 of his kitty companions, that’s how — How does a guy engaged in a dozen dogfights every day get any sleep at night? The answer, it turns out, is cats. Lots of them. Donald Trump is no menacing macho man, he’s a closet Cat Lady. He has an estimated 56 cats — 24 living at Mar-A-Lago, 16…