Truth In Satire

7-Year-Old British Boy Asks, “Can We Put Donald Trump In An Active Volcano?”

The Higglebottom children of Bath think the American president needs “a good hiding”

Isla, Nina, and Henry Higglebottom wanted to talk to the American people over breakfast with scones and tea sandwiches. And a banana.

Donald Trump showed up in Sicily on Friday with a thuggish attitude, lecturing his European counterparts at the Group of 7 meeting, and even turning children off across the continent.

“Donald Trump has stinky knickers,” said 4-year-old Nina Higglebottom, using the English term for underwear.

“If I acted like that Trump fellow does, my parents would give me a good hiding,” said Nina’s older sister, Isla. “He’s a cheeky bugger.”

Henry Higglebottom hopes there’s an active volcano somewhere with Donald Trump’s name on it.

Their 7-year-old brother, Henry, had perhaps the most telling comment of all while watching BBC reports of the American president boorishly trash-talking the leaders of the G7.

“If he’s so very difficult, can we just put him in an active volcano?” asked Henry. “Then he would disintegrate and we wouldn’t have to listen to him anymore.”

There seems to be uniform agreement in most of England that Donald Trump is not only dangerous, with the potential to annihilate the world with one hasty push of a button, but he’s also a bad influence on children.

Sarah Higglebottom, the children’s mother, seemed both acutely aware of the political mess America has gotten itself into and as virulently opposed to the Trump presidency as any of his detractors in the States.

Sarah Higglebottom says that Donald Trump is so scary, she is banning her three children from watching anything on TV where his face is likely to appear. And husband Dave likes chips.

“This brutish arsehole is not only arrogant and obnoxious, he’s causing us all to lose a lot of sleep ,” said Sarah, standing with her husband Dave, as they considered the plight of their innocent children. “Theresa May may not be batting on a full wicket either, but at least she’s not a manky twit like Trump. Here in England, we just want that tosser to piss off and take his entire family with him.”

Dave Higglebottom was only slightly more charitable toward the American president than the rest of his family, saying that Trump’s policy on potato fries seemed reasonable. “We hear Trump is a big fan of junk food like chips. Anyone who appreciates chips, even a barmy nutter like that orangey-colored wanker, can’t be all bad in my book.”

Upon hearing this comment, daughter Isla shrieked, picked up a scone covered with raspberry jam, and tossed it hard at her father. The rest of the Higglebottoms then joined in until Dave retracted his statement and regrouped with the others in a chorus of criticism against Trump.

The scones, by the way, were amazing.


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