Truth In Satire

60 Million Democrats Sign On To New Year’s Eve Suicide Pact

“This should put to rest any doubts about the unity of our party in the aftermath of the election,” said Senator Chuck Schumer

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First word of a suicide pact filtered through the floor of New York’s Javits Center the night of the election, once the outcome was clear. Paula Lombardi (second from right, dark glasses) mentioned the idea in a weak moment to Democratic strategist Mark Wagner (far right), and from there the idea of eternal relief spread like wildfire.
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The new Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer says he’ll be first in line for the hemlock on New Year’s Eve, “ to show the country that Democrats stand, fight, and die together.”
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Because of her outpouring of emotion on election night, and an unrelenting sense of doom and despair since, Molly Kennelly (right) was invited by the Democratic National Party to be honorary chairwoman for the simultaneous, nationwide mass suicide event.
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Beyonce and Jay-Z are just two of the big names who’ll be singing more than 60 million Democrats off to heaven…or hell, or wherever they’re destined to spend eternity.

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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