Truth In Satire

To Make It “Trump-Proof Until The End Of Time,” White House Spent $50 Million On Situation Room Locks

“These upgrades will prevent any four-time indicted ex-presidents from entering the facility,” said leaders from both parties

Never will there be a seat for Benedict Donal again. (Photo Credit: Carlos Fyfe/White House)

The newly upgraded White House Situation Room has been fitted with a high-tech, ultrasecure, $50 million dollar locking system designed to keep criminally-indicted former presidents from ever entering the facility.

To date, that would include only one man.

“The system can detect self-tanning lotions, hair dye, Spanx undergarments, and bullshit from a mile away,” said a White House source who asked to remain anonymous. “Truth be told, it was developed to make it forever impenetrable by a single guy, Donald Trump. And we got a sign off from the leaders of both parties, so we have complete agreement on this.”

Uh, you’re no longer invited. And that means forever. (Photo Credit: Shealah Craighead/The White House)

News outlets were told that the modernization effort was necessary “at a time when top-secret communication challenges exist with China and Russia.”