Member-only story
25 Places Where You Probably Left Your Keys*
A public service message from an inveterate loser…of stuff
2 min readSep 10, 2023
Have you looked here?
- Bottom of your backpack, next to the Tums, but not near your credit cards, God willing, because of the magnetic fob
- Tucked into the toe of your sneaker, where you were trying to hide them at the gym, but not from yourself
- At the laundromat, on the shelf next to the soap vending machines with the sign that reads, “Don’t forget your valuables.”
- Somewhere over the rainbow
- Buried in the sand where your beach blanket was — just over there… no, a little to the right
- In the mail slot at the post office, where they leapt out of your hand to snuggle with your deposited letters
- Far from the madding crowd
- In the freezer, next to the berries, that you put in your smoothie, which you make in one minute, as you rush out the door, because you’re late
- In your secret hiding place … you forgot the secret hiding place?
- Still dangling from the front door … or auto ignition
- Between the seat cushions of your couch, nestled next to four moldy Cheetos, a nickel, and a #2 pencil stub
