President Obama Leaves Key To White House Man Cave For Donald Trump

America’s first black president wants to help America’s first orange president with a smooth transition

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President Obama walks Donald Trump through a brief explanation of the three branches of government.

President Barack Obama has made a list of things he plans to leave for our next president when he departs the White House on January 20, 2017:

  1. My compact Maglite flashlight for late night trips to the kitchen (“careful on that second step of the Grand Staircase, uneven”)
  2. Instructions for operating the underground sprinkler system (“very tricky, especially when you first turn it on in April”)
  3. Three boxes of Tic-Tacs (“top right hand drawer of Resolute Desk in Oval Office — good for when meeting heads of state, too”)
  4. Key to entrance of White House man cave (“look for secret button on side of fireplace in Cabinet Room”)
  5. Two Cohiba Behike cigars I got from Raul Castro when re-opening diplomatic relations with Cuba (“one puff and you won’t ever consider cutting off ties”)
  6. Signed copy of my legitimate birth certificate (“propped up on fireplace mantel in Map Room”)
  7. Brand new Xtreme Comforts Shredded Memory Foam Pillow (please, brother, get some sleep, you’re acting crazy”)
  8. My complete DVD collection of The West Wing (“This was a fake show — Martin Sheen was never really the president”)
  9. List of tools in the shed (“you’re going to love the Delta 10-inch table saw but, WARNING — I thought it ripped left, it rips RIGHT!”)
  10. The Titleist Scotty Cameron putter that Tiger Woods gave me (“I’ve seen your game, Don, use it”)
  11. My copy of Robert’s Rules of Parliamentary Procedure (“required reading, will leave on desk in Treaty Room”)
  12. List of Mexican restaurants around town that Michelle and I are crazy about (try the pollo al ajillo at TicoDC —pure ambrosia, don’t know how they do it”)
  13. Mechanical waving hand that you can slip into your coat sleeve (“so great when you’re stepping off Air Force One in a foreign country and you’re bone tired, but you have to make a show of it”)
  14. My last bottle of Keracare Humecto Cream Conditioner (“I don’t know what you use on your hair, Don, but this stuff is amazing”)
  15. Tips for tending to Michelle’s vegetable garden (“leave it in, you don’t want Michelle on your bad side”)

Oh, and one last thing: I have the nuclear launch codes. I’m keeping them, Don. Sorry, but you’re going to have to come and ask me first.

(If you enjoyed what you just read, please tap the heart button to recommend it. And thanks for taking the time to read my work. It means a lot to me. Allan Ishac)

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at

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