Truth In Satire

15 Explanations For Why Trump’s Bobble Head Doll Looks More Like Bill Clinton

#1. Trump was too cheap to cast his own bobble head mold, so he used the one of Clinton stored in the White House basement

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Ho ho…what the hell!? (Credit: whitehousegiftshop.com)

he White House Gift Shop might have just revealed its preference for POTUS42 over POTUS45.

Its online catalog depicts a President Donald Trump Limited Edition Christmas Bobble Doll “wearing a festive Santa cap and delivering Christmas Greetings from the White House in the State Dining Room with Abraham Lincoln Portrait, Fireplace, Hearth, and Christmas Tree.”

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Even more oddly, the catalog text goes on to say “The Christmas Tree represents Trump’s campaign promise to evangelical Christians, ‘We’re going to start saying Merry Christmas again.’”

But there has to be more to the Trump-Clinton bobble doll look-alikes, because Mr. Trump approved the “sophisticated new bobble doll diorama” — although it appears to depict another president, and a Democrat at that.

Here are 15 possible explanations:

#1. Donald Trump was too cheap to cast his own bobble head holiday mold, so he just used the old one of Bill Clinton that was stored in the White House basement.

#2. The president has a strong unconscious desire to be Hillary Clinton’s husband.

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Is it a Bill bobble or a Donnie bobble? Or maybe a Jimmy Carter bobble? (Credit: NPR.com)

#3. Bill Clinton had much higher approval numbers than Donald Trump did at every stage of his 8-year presidency. Therefore, Donald assumes that he can sell more Bill bobble look-alikes than if it was his own likeness. In his world, sales always trump personal pride.

#4. Melania is sexually turned on by President Clinton.

#5. Ivanka is sexually turned on by President Clinton.

#6. Mr. Trump likes Bill Clinton’s hair better than his own, and is sexually turned on by President Clinton.

#7. President Trump didn’t really want to be associated with Christmas or any other holiday involving gift-giving or employee bonuses.

#8. Mr. Trump figured Bill Clinton would look stupider wearing the Santa cap which, in turn, would make him appear less stupid-looking (this effort failed).

#9. The president is hoping that some of Clinton’s charm, intelligence, sophistication, sexual exploits, and reading abilities might vicariously rub off on him via bobble osmosis.

#10. President Trump thought that a Clinton look-alike bobble might finally reveal its curved penis, which he has been wondering about for 20 years, like every other American.

#11. Having never owned a bobble head, President Trump did not want to become a bobble himself until he sacrificed a Clinton to see if it is safe.

#12. In the diorama, the bobble head is reading a scroll. Mr. Trump knew his base would never believe this, so he substituted the erudite Clinton.

#13. In the diorama, the bobble head is also seen smiling, which would not be considered realistic by the president’s supporters. Grim is him, jovial is Bubba.

#14. President Trump substituted Clinton in the Christmas diorama because he had made a promise to Ivanka, who had made a promise to Jared, that he would appear in the White House Hanukkah diorama this year instead.

#15. By casting Bill Clinton as himself, Mr. Trump can fulfill his lifelong dream of directing rather than starring in his own bobble head diorama.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

Written by

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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