Hang around Donald Trump long enough and eventually you’re going to get fired. And when you do, he’s going to slap a disparaging nickname onto your departing backside.
Steve Bannon got “Sloppy Steve,” disenfranchised Senator Jeff Flake got “Jeff Flakey,” failed presidential candidate Marco Rubio got “Little Marco.” None of the monikers are particularly clever, but they stick with you.
Here are some nicknames that President Trump is certain to employ as he “unemploys” key staff, cabinet, associates, even family members in the coming year:
VP Mike Pence / Mike “Past Tense” Pence: For his obsolete haircut, 1950’s values, frumpy fashion sense, passe politeness, and quaint religious values
White House Adviser Kellyanne Conway / Smelly Kelly: “For putting her stinkin’ stocking feet up on my Oval Office couch!” — DJT
Nat. Security Adviser HR McMasters / General Disaster: “Because this bald bastard never had my back, not once!” –DJT
Policy Adviser Stephen Miller / Stephen “Serial Killer” Miller: Because this fucking scary cyborg is not only a spokesman for Mr. Trump but a frequent assassin.
Jared Kushner / Jared “Dumber Than My Daughter” Kushner: “What an empty suit this Jew-boy is!”–DJT
Ivanka Trump / Princess Iwanta-All-The-Time”: “Honestly, just look at those boobies, I can’t get enough…they’re huge.”–DJT
Sarah Huckabee Sanders / Sarah “Third Degree” Sanders: For her ability to completely ignore or dodge reporters questions with bullshit answers and outright lies even under duress.
Chief of Staff John Kelly /John “Answer The Telly” Kelly: “Nothing but a fancy-pants toady who never protected me!”–DJT
Donald Trump Jr. / The Yawn Spawn — “This kid is so brain-dead, so boring, I mostly just want to slap him.” –DJT
Hope Hicks / Grope Dicks: “God, I wish…what a piece of tail.” –DJT
Rep. Paul Ryan / Paul “Won’t Build My Wall” Ryan: “How many times do I have to tell this douchebag — start building!” –DJT
Eric Trump / Junior’s Senseless Sidekick: “I’ve got the best genes, how did I end up with this diddling dipstick?” –DJT
Sen. Mitch McConnell / Mitch “Last Ditch” McConnell: “The guy’s always slapping together my legislation at the last minute, the worthless turtle.” –DJT
Melania Trump /MeNoWanya: “Come on, it’s over — everybody knows that.”–DJT
(Note to President Trump: I’ve copyrighted all these nicknames. Don’t try to steal them from me or I’ll definitely, absolutely, for sure sue you.)
(Note to Readers: Hey, remember Obama’s list of nasty nicknames for departing aides? No? Oh, right, that’s because he was a real president with integrity and respect for the office, not a faux POTUS who flaunts his vulgar ignorance for all the world to see, thereby embarrassing America and defiling our democracy.)
Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.
Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.