Truth In Satire

14 Nasty Nicknames Trump Will Be Giving To Departing White House Aides In 2018

Sloppy Steve, Liddle Bob Corker — piss off the president and you’ll get an insulting name. Here are some we’re sure to see…

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“I’m going to call you…Sean ‘Can’t Count On You’ Spicer.” (Credit: thelibertyconservative.com)

Hang around Donald Trump long enough and eventually you’re going to get fired. And when you do, he’s going to slap a disparaging nickname onto your departing backside.

Steve Bannon got “Sloppy Steve,” disenfranchised Senator Jeff Flake got “Jeff Flakey,” failed presidential candidate Marco Rubio got “Little Marco.” None of the monikers are particularly clever, but they stick with you.

Here are some nicknames that President Trump is certain to employ as he “unemploys” key staff, cabinet, associates, even family members in the coming year:

VP Mike Pence / Mike “Past Tense” Pence: For his obsolete haircut, 1950’s values, frumpy fashion sense, passe politeness, and quaint religious values

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“Feet off my sofa there, Smelly.” (Credit: thetelegraph.com)

White House Adviser Kellyanne Conway / Smelly Kelly: “For putting her stinkin’ stocking feet up on my Oval Office couch!” — DJT

Nat. Security Adviser HR McMasters / General Disaster: “Because this bald bastard never had my back, not once!” –DJT

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“I see enemy. I kill enemy. I dispose of enemy.” (Credit: therightscoop.com)

Policy Adviser Stephen Miller / Stephen “Serial Killer” Miller: Because this fucking scary cyborg is not only a spokesman for Mr. Trump but a frequent assassin.

Jared Kushner / Jared “Dumber Than My Daughter” Kushner: “What an empty suit this Jew-boy is!”–DJT

Ivanka Trump / Princess Iwanta-All-The-Time”: “Honestly, just look at those boobies, I can’t get enough…they’re huge.”–DJT

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“I don’t know the answer to that question but I’ll surely check into it and not get back to you.” (Credit: rawstory.com)

Sarah Huckabee Sanders / Sarah “Third Degree” Sanders: For her ability to completely ignore or dodge reporters questions with bullshit answers and outright lies even under duress.

Chief of Staff John Kelly /John “Answer The Telly” Kelly: “Nothing but a fancy-pants toady who never protected me!”–DJT

Donald Trump Jr. / The Yawn Spawn — “This kid is so brain-dead, so boring, I mostly just want to slap him.” –DJT

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“Melania, you go. Hope, you stay.” — DJT (Credit: thetimes.com)

Hope Hicks / Grope Dicks: “God, I wish…what a piece of tail.” –DJT

Rep. Paul Ryan / Paul “Won’t Build My Wall” Ryan: “How many times do I have to tell this douchebag — start building!” –DJT

Eric Trump / Junior’s Senseless Sidekick: “I’ve got the best genes, how did I end up with this diddling dipstick?” –DJT

Sen. Mitch McConnell / Mitch “Last Ditch” McConnell: “The guy’s always slapping together my legislation at the last minute, the worthless turtle.” –DJT

Melania Trump /MeNoWanya: “Come on, it’s over — everybody knows that.”–DJT

(Note to President Trump: I’ve copyrighted all these nicknames. Don’t try to steal them from me or I’ll definitely, absolutely, for sure sue you.)

(Note to Readers: Hey, remember Obama’s list of nasty nicknames for departing aides? No? Oh, right, that’s because he was a real president with integrity and respect for the office, not a faux POTUS who flaunts his vulgar ignorance for all the world to see, thereby embarrassing America and defiling our democracy.)

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

Written by

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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