Truth In Satire
Saying “It Will Make Too Many Americans Happy,” GOP Plans To Block Biden’s $1.9 Trillion Relief Bill
“A much stingier bill would leave enough misery in the country to keep our grievance vote intact,” said Sen. Mitch McConnell
Republicans in Congress, lead by Sen. Mitch McConnell, said they oppose President Biden’s popular $1.9 trillion Covid relief bill, “because it will make far too many Americans happy.”
“The job of the GOP is to cause more pain for the people,” said Sen. McConnell, when asked why he would oppose a bill that would help so many Americans. “A much stingier bill would leave enough misery in the country to keep the Republican grievance vote intact. We need a sullen, despondent electorate if we have any chance of winning in 2022.”
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The order protects the stars and stripes against petting, kissing, humping, or other sexual assault by the former president
Aformerly fondled American flag, scheduled to be onstage with Donald Trump at the upcoming CPAC meeting in Florida this weekend, has filed a restraining order against the former president.
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After SCOTUS denies ex-president’s continued efforts to hide his returns, he says he’ll turn them over “once they’re laundered”
First they couldn’t be released because Trump claimed he was under audit. Then he said he couldn’t find them. Then the dog ate them.
On Monday, after the U.S. Supreme Court denied his continued efforts to shield his tax returns from prosecutors in New York, the ex-president agreed to turn them over, “once I get them back from the dry cleaners, where they’re being laundered.”
The criminal president, who attempted to stage a coup d’etat against the U.S. government last month, said that his tax returns “were very dusty and dirty because they’ve been stored in the basement at the…
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“His racist, misogynistic radio show will live on in the anals (sic) of good, conservative hatred forever,” said DeSantis
To honor its native son-of-a-bitch and resident racist, Florida will be lowering flags to “half-crass,” according to Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis.
“By lowering our flags to ‘half-crass,’ the people of Florida are offering a final salute to the man who made daily on-air indiscretions, improprieties, and galling gaucheries his own,” said DeSantis on Saturday.
In opposition to the governor’s controversial order, Florida Democrats are suggesting, instead, that state flags “be lowered to six feet under to celebrate the burial of Rush Limbaugh’s dangerous brand of demeaning conservative hatred.”
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Truth In Satire
The mystery of the other “missing” Republican Senator from Texas has been solved
We all know where Texas Sen. Ted Cruz was during his state’s deadly deep freeze and power shortage this week.
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“I’ll be the first to get frostbite if that’s what it takes,” says disgraced GOP Senator who fled to Mexico only days before
Amid withering criticism, Sen. Ted Cruz tried to reverse his bad press on Friday by leading millions of Texans to the Alamo, the state’s most famous landmark.
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Secession effort could be attempt by insurrectionist president to avoid prosecution for long list of crimes against America
Former President Donald Trump filed on Thursday to have Mar-a-Lago, his beachside resort in Florida, secede from the United States to become its own country.
“As the King of Mar-a-Lago, I am announcing that I have formed my own nation, with its own laws, officially making me totally exempt from criminal prosecution in the United States,” said the ex-president, who in January lead a coup d’etat against America.
The King of Mar-a-Lago also announced that he was beheading Jared Kushner, naming Ivanka as his queen, demoting Melania to kitchen maid, knighting his son Donald Trump Jr., …
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“I used my fluency in Spanish to negotiate with Mexican locals for the hottest air at the best price,” says Senator
Sen. Ted Cruz, who came under fire for leaving Texas during a cold weather emergency and power crisis to vacation in Cancun, says he was on a “very legitimate mission to help my state.”
According to Cruz he went to Mexico on Wednesday “only in order to bring back suitcases full of tropical temperatures for my fellow Texans suffering back home.” He also said he took the opportunity to shower at the hotel there.
Many in Texas are calling bullshit on the Senator’s excuse, which begged credulity because suitcases are not good vehicles for transporting climate.
The city of Cancun…
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During an appearance on Fox, the former president promised he would wear the wicked hosiery “…at my next coup d’etat”
As Americans across the nation sang, “Ding, Dong the Rush is dead…,” it was reported that the racist, misogynistic talk show host willed a pair of his favorite, striped knee socks to his friend Donald Trump.
Trump, who appeared on Fox TV on Wednesday to honor Limbaugh, said he would wear the hosiery “at all my future rallies and riots.”
A pair of Rush’s ruby slippers, said to be a “glistening symbol” of the incendiary right-wing movement in America, was also gifted to the ex-President of Insurrection with this note from Limbaugh:
“Dear Don, my pretty. Slip these striped socks…
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“He didn’t come into office with a warm embrace for Republicans and that has caused this cold snap,” says Gov. Greg Abbott
Did Democrats cause the artic blast that is sweeping across red states?
According to Gov. Greg Abbott, a Republican from Texas, there’s a direct link. He says the bitter cold that has left millions in his and other southern states without electricity and water is connected to “the frigid reception we got from the Biden administration as soon as they came into power.”
Abbott claims that Joe Biden “didn’t launch his presidency with a warm embrace for Republicans and that plunged our states into a cold snap… it’s very clear and all the meteorologists agree.”
The unusual weather phenomenon that…
